The Day the Roles Changed

The conversation went something like this.

“I can’t do this anymore Rob.  I’m a mom now.  The baby needs me.  He needs me more than my job, my boss.  I miss him at daycare even if it is only two days a week.  Hon, I want to be the one to raise him.  Be here every second he needs me.  It sounds strange but I can’t cope working for someone else.  My whole world has changed.  It’s not natural for me to report to or take direction from anyone.  Nothing can reward me more or compensate my soul than being with our son.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, that’s all?

“Yes, it’s okay.  We’ll figure it out.  Give notice.”

“I love you Rob.  By the way I was going to give her my resignation letter tomorrow"

“Why am I not surprised?  Love you too.”

A two minute conversation had just changed the course of our lives.

Two weeks later I woke up at the same time I usually did when I went to work.  It was 6AM.  Instead of putting on my suit and running to the daycare center, I picked up Jake, climbed back into bed, let him nurse and we both fell back to sleep.   I consider that moment my new career began.  I was a mom and newly minted Stay at Home Mom.  Just as when my son was born, I had to navigate my way through my new role.  I was ultimately happy; this is what I wanted.  Something occurred to me that day.  My husband and I now have uniquely different roles.  Then I thought, do we?

After a few days of our life change I think me and my husband started to adapt.  The life we shared up until the baby was born was relatively equal.  I say relatively equal since we both paid the bills and fed our bank account.  Of course he handled the outside work like raking and mowing the lawn.  I say relatively equal since we both paid the bills and feed our bank account.  Of course he handled the outside work like raking and mowing .  I was the the queen of on-line bill pay and top chef.  Ultimately though, we divided our responsibilities.  Now mind you he ruined more dry clean clothes and forgot to change the lint trap when he dd the laundry, but he did it.  On occasion I’d do the grocery shopping without coupons and to date I think we have two dozen jars of roasted red peppers.  I didn’t have time to clip coupons or make a list.  So, the scale of our lives was fairly balanced.

In those weeks after our son was born I was used to my new found unemployment.  I had more than enough to do 24/7 with the baby.  How rude of the hospital to forget our copy of his instruction manual!  I was fairly certain that everything was hunky dory on his end.  Hopefully he wasn’t going to lose his typical sunny disposition after working 65 hours a week as of late.  So, as far as being constantly busy and overtired, all things were being equal.  We didn’t talk much about any re-assignment of roles; he didn’t quit mowing the lawn and yes, I consider spaghetti and jar sauce dinner, even it it was four times a week! 

Like a seismometer, my soul detected subtle changes in our family dynamic.  The continental plates that were our places is life were shifting.  Me and my husband kind of danced around the changes that the baby brought with him.  We never formally discussed what I believe we both were feeling.  I will tell you that I felt an obligation to do my share around the house and take care of our son.  I felt this nagging in my gut that my husband was too kind to tell me that he was taking on more than he could handle.  Having a new, healthy baby boy was the greatest joy in our lives; nothing much mattered than his well being and watching him grow.  In that sense, his birth just tightened the strings that bind us together even more.  Still, the climate was changing. 

The dynamic was changing.  Our marriage had changed.  We were a family now and a busy one at that.  We both saw the seismic indicators waver back and forth.  We both knew there was so much to discuss.  Please realize that these tiny aftershocks were not just about the household.  There were to be changes emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. 

Let me take you on our journey.  On my journey.  Lisa a.k.a SAHM.  I want to share with women who are, in part, defined “stay at home moms” my experiences over these dozen years.  I want these women to know that this is a major shift in life.  I want to know their stories and I hope to share mine.  Having gone through this change and creating a documentation of my journey I consider myself an expert!  Becoming my child’s primary caretaker as far as hours in the day go, this journey has taken many detours, stalled in traffic and occasionally came to a halt.  I would never reconsider another route.  Not for one minute did I regret my ultimate destination.

Travel with me, keep me company and let’s find friends on the way to the only destination worth more than any exotic island or a tour of Europe.  Let’s go pay Happiness and Contentment a visit!oHH